A cautious optimism

2017 held a lot of stress and heartache for me and my family.  I’ve been officially unemployed for the past 6 months, despite my best efforts to be otherwise.  The job hunt has been a roller coaster ride, to say the very least.  Coupled with my dad’s passing in September, I don’t think I’ve really been myself in quite a while.  I’m still trying, and still waiting for that plucky girl to return, but winter has set in and maybe I’ll just bury myself under the covers and binge-watch Gilmore Girls until she returns?

Ok, maybe not.

We’ve got bills to pay and mouths to feed, goddamnit.  Plus, I’m pretty sure my kids are the reason I’m still a (semi) functioning member of society most days. Thank god for my boys.

We put closure to Dad’s passing during a family trip in November, which was a brief but much-needed respite from the day-to-day demands of life in Cleveland.  Plus, it’s not every day that you get to experience the reality of seeing one of your loved ones reduced to a box of sandy, rocky rubble.  We even found one of his fillings.  Talk about bizarre.  Illegal ash spreading aside, I’ve never seen so many amazing sunsets.  Alabama in the fall totally has my heart.  I’m thankful for the opportunity to build new memories.

December came, as did my parents…just in time for my husband to land himself a 4-day hospital stay. All I can really say to anyone asking about our holidays is that we’re still standing.

So, on to New Years Eve.  I was ready to bid good riddance to “The Year That Kicked My Ass”.  We all hit it early because we were all tired, it was freezing, and mustering up exciting plans feels like alot of work these days. Did I mention I’ve been depressed?  Lying in bed watching the minutes tick by, I tried to figure out the best way put closure to “The Year that Kicked My Ass” but the negative thought-loop was a loopin’ and it was hard to feel anything other than stung.  But then I remembered that 2017 was the year my husband found a great job that challenges him, that my sweet baby boy took first steps, my other sweet baby started KINDERGARTEN, that I ran my first (and hopefully not last) 5K.

What will 2018 have in store? I’m anxious as hell about it, but also cautiously excited.

Hey, maybe that plucky girl isn’t so out of reach after all.

 

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