I’m currently sitting on my couch, watching my baggy-diapered baby in a dinosaur tshirt suck furiously on his bright blue binky while inventing some sort of game with a cardboard tube and this musical turtle toy that lights up and plays classical music. I’m sitting here watching this with such pride and amazement, but also with the only brand of sadness that comes from realizing that your baby is growing up way too fast. After all, it wasn’t that long ago that we could lay him down on the floor and leave the room with the guarantee that he would be in the same exact place that he was when we returned moments later. It is impossible to me that he is nearly a year old.
This first summer is coursing by at such a rate and there are so many things I want to do with him. Heck, there are so many things I want to do for myself that have been neglected. Life moves too fast and when the opportunity to nap strikes, sometimes you just have to give in. Sure, it’d be nice not have a huge pile of papers and bills on the desk but when you have 40 minutes of baby-free time on a Saturday morning, showering is a mighty appealing alternative to filing old tax returns or throwing out old mail.
I want so badly to be one of those parents who is so good at life keeping that she will have completed all of the filing/laundry/bathroom cleaning/cooking/bill paying/personal hygiene that when the 40 minute nap time rolls around, she can say things like “Honey, I’m going to take this time to go upstairs to my craft corner and finish the 40 handmade invitations I’m making for our dear son’s first birthday.” Realistically, I’m going to be the crazy lady covered in cat hair maniacally cleaning at midnight the morning of the party in an effort to trick all the guests into thinking that “Really, it was nothing. My house is always this clean!”
I’ve also recently realized that this Attitude of Inadequacy* is leaching into other parts of my life. I feel inadequate at work and at home because I’m not a filer/quick thinker/fashionista/whole-food-eater/weekend-partier/regular pedicure-getter (you get the idea). The real problem is that I think I’ve somehow convinced myself that I don’t add up. I’ve convinced myself that there are things that I am just NOT. And what happens when I do that? I forget about what I AM.
So I’m going to start a habit of affirmations:
I am a loving mother, and I know this by the way my son reacts when I walk into a room.
I am an excellent wife, and I know this by the way my husband looks at me from across the room.
I have lots of good ideas, which make me a valuable member of my team at work.
I am thoughtful and a good listener, which is why friends ask for my advice.
I am worth putting effort into.
*As read by James Earle Jones, with proper echo effects of course.
Your turn! Finish the sentence: I am _______________________________.