Tuesday and Wednesday were probably two of the roughest days I’ve had in a while. Stay-in-bed-all-day-to-avoid-reality kind of days. Thing is: if you stay in bed avoiding, you still have to deal with it all at some point. So I got up and faced it and I’m glad that I did.
Tuesday, my sweet Daddy was released from the hospital. I know what you’re thinking. Great news! Excellent! Glad to hear! Not so much. Not only did they release him without calling us, they also failed to disclose the results of the 8+ hours of testing they put him through on Monday. He was weak and was suffering from facial paralysis and problems chewing and swallowing. What’s more is that he was released right back to his assisted living facility, which is just not set up to nurse a man who can hardly walk and can’t eat. I was beyond despair, feeling like this was the beginning of the end.
At the same time, I also received a call from my OB/GYN that some test results came back with a very slightly abnormal result. While this test isn’t foolproof by any means (and isn’t even a diagnostic test), it can indicate some pretty serious problems with Baby H.
Color me frightened out of my mind.
I spent most of the day on Wednesday letting my skin hold me together. I cried at home. I cried at work. I cried in the car. I was inconsolable.
But then I got some perspective. I remembered that I have to take things day by day. I talked to my Dad on Thursday night and he sounded terrible–slack-jawed, weak, and slurring words–but his spirits sounded lifted. I also thought alot about my test results and realized that if something was, indeed, horribly wrong that my results would be more than very slightly abnormal.
I have a super special ultrasound over a week from Tuesday so more experienced professionals can evaluate Baby H’s spine. I’m concerned, for sure. Very concerned. But I’m also looking forward to seeing my baby again (it will have been about 10 weeks since my last ultrasound), seeing that it is healthy and hopefully finding out if Baby H is a girl or a boy.
As always, your thoughts and support are more than appreciated. And if you want to weigh in on the gender of Baby H, you’ve got until a week from Tuesday.