Lay Off Me!

Oh boy.  I can feel the grinch in me growing particularly early in myself this year.  Maybe it’s because I hate going to the mall on a normal day, much less a day close to the holidays.  Maybe it’s because when I do go the mall, there are throngs of better dressed, better looking, fuller-walleted people walking out with tons of shopping bags when I’m content to spend my $40 on two (VERY SMALL but highly priced and so totally worth it) bottles of hair product once every 3 months.  Or maybe it’s because sales people are OB. NOK. SHUSS. 

Here I am, minding my own business and trying to get in and out of the mall as quickly as possible when a guy from a closeby kiosk comes over to offer me a small sample of hand lotion.  He offers the sample, then says (in an accent that makes him even more obnoxious) “Oh, wait!  Try some now and you can have that little sample for later!” and puts some lotion on the palm of my hand. 

Then I begin to rub it in and he says “Oh my!  Are those your natural nails?” as if to compliment me on them. 

Look here, dude.  I’ve bitten my nails since I was old enough to have teeth and nails at the same time.  My hands are NOT pretty.  I know this and you know this.  Cut the crap.

I say yes, he says “Come, step into my office!”  Which is really just a 1.5 feet away and at the end of the booth he’s working from.  He asks me to hold out my hands and proceeds to dump about two teaspoons of salt from the Dead Sea into my palm and asks me to rub my hands together, all the while spritzing them with water from a spray bottle. 

“You know about the Dead Sea, no?” he says in his obnoxious sales persony accent, followed quickly by “Your eyes, they are beautiful!”

He then proceeds to try to sell me a container of Dead Sea salt specifically for scrubbing my hands.  Being the good southern girl that I am, I smiled politely. 

I responded “Thank you very much.  I’ll have to add that to my wish list and maybe Santa will bring me some this year,” and walked away. 

But I rolled my eyes the ENTIRE way home. 

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4 thoughts on “Lay Off Me!

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