At 3:34 a.m. I awoke from the singularly most wonderful dream I’ve had in a while. I dreamt I had a baby.
Usually, when I dream about having a baby, it causes all brands of anxiety. Perhaps this is because, dream baby comes without warning. In the dream, I realize that I have a baby, and then about 5 dream days into the scenario, I realize I have not one diaper. Nary a baby onesie. No carseat, no crib, no nothing. I have no tools to care for this baby. I wake up feeling tired, but most of all completely and utterly STRESSED. OUT.
Last night’s dream was different.
I don’t remember too much of what was going on in the dream (there was alot happening) but I do remember crystal-clearly the part where I dream-woke in a hospital bed with my mom at my side. The nurse came in and handed me this little baby burrito with a full fuzz-head of hair. She was the sweetest little bundle.
After I woke, I spent the better part of the next 4 hours trying as hard as I could to get back to that sweet swaddled little baby girl. I never did get back there, but I hope I can one day.
Our “home improvement project” is something I have shared here before. I’ve made no secret of my frustration at not getting pregnant. It just hasn’t happened for us…yet. I tell myself over and over that I just need to relax. Not stress. Eat well. Excerise. It’s worth every breath, every stretch, every bite, every sweat-inducing minute on the treadmill. TOTALLY worth it.