I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t suffering from some sort of blogger’s block. I have started 3 different posts since the weekend and none of them are more than a paragraph in length. Truth be told, I’m feeling really out of sorts lately. I mean, I’m drinking coffee. During the week. COFFEE. An activity usually reserved for Saturday bagels, Sunday pancakes and the occasional Starbucks date, this coffee drinking during the week is giving me all sorts of issues. Not only has it thouroughly freaked out my co-workers, who know a cup of herbal tea is more my speed, but I’ve been having really crazy sleeping patterns and I have to wonder if the coffee is the culprit. It’s not as if I drink it in the afternoon or anything crazy like that, so I can’t quite get it all figured out.
I do know I’ve had more than my share of days lately that have involved me acting uncharacteristically (angry and frustrated) and some days where I’ve been acting all too characteristic for someone prone to the winter blues (emotional, whiny, and unsatisfied no matter what the case). Then there are the days when I feel like I’m about to burst with creative energy that has absolutely no place to go. I thought taking this blog in a newer direction would help, but I’m still feeling a little…unsure. Instead, I come home from work, cook dinner, settle down with my laptop (usually while Kevin plays “Call of Duty” on the Wii. In surround sound. With the bass turned ALL the way up) and try to write something–anything–that doesn’t make me sound totally vapid & mindless. I’ve also found that I’m struck with creative inspiration at the worst possible times. For example, I wanted to take a walk this morning and take photographs of icecicles and fun winter stuff…BUT I was in my car driving to work. This afternoon, I wanted to come home and try to tune my guitar (yes, the guitar I never quite learned to play). Again, I was driving at the time and it was nothing more than an afterthought by the time my key was in the door.
This part of winter makes me feel so quiet. I feel less outwardly expressive and far more introspective. This is when I find I’m much better dealing with people one-on-one versus in a larger group. I feel private and shy. Perhaps it has to do with the lack of change. I mean, most of the year we are going through major change–summer changes to fall, fall changes to winter, the holidays roll around, and then there’s this “no man’s land” of winter. It’s still 6 weeks to spring, it’s gray, cold, and there’s really nothing exciting going on. We do have our trip to look forward to, which is next week (holy cow!), but I’m in a “I’ll believe it when I see it” kind of mood. Everyone I know seems more excited than I have managed to be up to this point, which again leads me to believe I’ve been exhibiting some rather strange behavior I’ve been otherwise unaware of. Behavior everyone, including myself, hopes will be remedied by a heavy does of Vitamin D.