Rebellion

Lately I’ve been feeling rebellious. Some of it has been conscious, like knowing full and well that the dishes aren’t going to do themselves, but not caring or and others have involved much less self awareness and control, like when my body decided to go all “Million Dollar Baby” on itself during the great gallbladder debacle of April 2009. One of my co-workers even commented that I was wa-ay too intense when I walked into her office this morning. Intense is probably THE last word anyone would use to describe me. Then we laughed about how she’s trying to put positive energy out into the universe and I’m standing in her office telling her that she can put it out there all she wants but it doesn’t really matter. Where did my sunshine, kittens, and rainbows go?

In other news, we have 4 new members of the Hatgas Clan East. No, we are not crazy cat people, nor are we preggers with quadruplets (OR PREGNANT AT ALL for all you crazies placing bets on the arrival of what could be hailed as the world’s cutest baby. Sorry World, you’ll just have to wait). Kevin and I started an aquarium thanks to Joel and Sarah who were kind enough to give us all the aquarium starting accoutrement. So far, we have only named 3 of them. Ghengis is the bully of the tank and as far as we can tell spends his time chasing the other fish away from anything he feels like chasing them away from (rocks, food, each other). Ghandi gets picked on by everyone else, but doesn’t retaliate. Cheesy Bread is the only yellow fish in the tank. Kevin referred to it once as Goldie and it stuck for me, but not for him. I’m having issues with the name Cheesy Bread, but Kevin likes it. A most mundane conundrum for sure. We have not yet named the 4th fish.

Most recently, we spent Mother’s Day at Hatgas HQ in Middleburg Heights. It was great times, actually. The only thing missing were Chris, Kim, and the girls. We got to spend some nice time with Kevin’s mom and dad, Jeff and Jon, and even Joe, Colleen, and the Hatgas boys. It also became pretty evident that I’m head over heels in complete and utter love with John Paul, the littlest Hatgas boy. It’s official. I want a baby. There. I said it.

Here’s another way I can tell that I want a baby. When I was a kid and was having anxiety dreams, I would have them about natural disasters. The general gist of the dreams are “Ohmygodthere’satornadoonthehorizonandIhavetogeteveryoneoutofthewaybecauseit’scomingit’scomingit’scoming!” But the tornado doesn’t come, and everyone else is pretty ambivalent about it’s pending arrival. As an adult, I’ve noticed more and more of these dreams are “ohmygodi’mpregnantandoopshere’sthebabybutwedon’thaveanythingforthebaby” These dreams are usually more about not having the stuff than about having the actual baby or my reactions to the baby. So last week, I think my subconcious set out to have another anxiety/baby dream. Only thing is that the baby was perfect and cute and it smelled good and it was cuddly and I loved it and I didn’t even care that dream-Target didn’t carry infant clothes and had almost no supplies. I just wanted to hold my dream-baby close to me.

Don’t get me wrong, people. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna have one any time soon, it just means that I’m ready when Kevin and I are BOTH ready–after December when Kevin officially finishes his MBA and AFTER atleast 5 days spent with my feet on the beach, a cocktail with an umbrella in hand, and time to relax. I probably shouldn’t be thinking all this crazy stuff. Just another rebellion.

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