..is that I love them. Anyone who knows me even remotely knows that I’m a big sucker when it comes to kids. I love them. I love tiny baby ones, I love bigger high school kids (though they scare me a bit sometimes). I just love kids. And when I was younger, I wanted about a billion of them. I could turn nearly any inanimate object into a “baby” and would rock-a-bye that two litre/pillow/paperweight/house plant/etc., right to sleep. I had my first babysitting job at the ripe old age of nine years old. I once befriended a baby at the movies with my parents when I was young. I damn near raised the family down the street–changing diapers, fixing lunch, etc.
Here we are at present day. In no particular order: I’m 29, have a job that I like/love depending on the day, a husband that I always love regardless of the day, a great house, etc. We’re financially stable. Heck, we even have a bedroom that is practically a nursery already (No, we’re not creepy. It was the previous owner’s nursery and we are too cheap to repaint the yellow walls and replace the pink carpet right now–atleast there’s no baby furniture in it). I love spending time with my nieces and nephews. I am perfectly comfortable wiping noses, tying shoes, and changing diapers. I pay attention to all things baby related and store that information for a time where I will be able to put it to use.
But, I also really enjoy being able to leave the house when I want to with nothing but my keys, phone, and a debit card. I love being able to sleep late, etc. Lots of little, kid-free luxuries, you know. Probably the biggest luxury I love is being able to play with all the babies and kids in my life….and go back to my life the way I want it when I’m ready.
Kevin and I have been having lots of talks lately. Mostly the talks involve how we are definitely not going to try for a family until Kevin has finished his program. I felt safe with that thought because that used to feel so far away. But now, we’re getting news that by this time next year, we’ll be ready to celebrate his graduation from the MBA program at Christmas! (A seriously happy occasion!) That maybe we’ll take a nice winter trip somewhere to celebrate.
Part of me is terrified because then there will be no MBA program to hold us back. We each keep ping-ponging back and forth about the whole thing. And when Kevin said the other day that he was in no rush, but wasn’t sure what I was thinking, I kinda didn’t know how to respond.
I always thought I’d have atleast one baby by this point in my life…but I’m not sad that I don’t. I’ve got a long life ahead of me, and plenty of time to devote to a baby when we choose. But then there’s the flip side of me that walks longingly past the baby clothes on my way to the aisle with the cat food at Target. The part of me that is so insanely curious about what kind person our baby will be (or, thanks to Aunt Marilyn, what the possibility is of having multiples is). The part of me that looks at young couples walking with their papoosed babies in the fall leaves and wishes that were us…
I’ve had people tell us there is no good time to have a baby, that you just have to do it. I’ve had people tell us that it was the best thing they’ve ever done…and in the same breath express how much it has changed their lives (and not always sounding so happy about that)
…So the answer I have in my mind is “I have no idea how I feel about having babies” I’ve waited for one forever…and I can probably wait a while longer.
I guess the only thing we can keep doing is talking…and we’ll know when the timing is right, right? Or maybe we should just get a puppy instead?